Not had a very good week sleep wise, waking most mornings at 3.30-4 am and struggled to get back to sleep, if managing at all. Which I think has contributed to getting a sore throat, high temp, headache and unbelievable amount of pain and shivering. I woke yesterday morning thinking it was a bad start of the day with my arthritis, but although my arthritis was hurting me, this pain was unbearable and progressively got worse throughout the day. It felt like every move I made, I was being jabbed with broken glass. Dramatic, I know :-) , but that is how I felt. I'm not sure what it is about illness, that makes us regress back to the small inner child that just wants to be held and looked after by our parents ( predominantly mums) or partners, soothingly saying, ' there, there you will be feeling better soon.

I think at the moment that's how I feel about life right now, my relationship with DC and the fact that I am totally unhappy in my job. Just need someone to say, be patient, hold me and say don't worry, it will all settle and turn out OK. Do I sit back and let God / the universe unfurl it's plan for me, or do I become proactive and make changes.

My working skills are largely within the caring sector, having been a paediatric nurse for 25 years and then taking time out to home ed LC. I knew I didn't want to go back in to nursing when the time came to rejoin the work force. So I became a support worker for adults with learning difficulties. Largely it was a rewarding job, but could be unpredictable in a violent way, I could no longer anticipate the next time I would be hit or physically abused by a client, so I left.  That is when I became deputy manager in an Out of School club. I really should be thankful that I have a job, there are many out there that don't and life can be very tough for people on job seekers allowance. Not everyone on job seekers allowance want to bleed the government dry, a lot of people do want to work, there are also those that genuinely, for what ever reason, are just unable to work. It is not for us to sit in judgement for those that are not working.

The fact that I would like a different job is quite plain to see, but having only one skill set makes it very difficult, there are absolutely a ton of jobs in the care sector, but I have the realisation that my physicality stops me, the deterioration of my arthritis is hindering me from maintaining a physical job. As I have realised, it is not that easy to obtain a new set of skills, that would allow me to continue to work, without being in an enormous amount of pain each day.

I need to meditate and remain patient, focused and positive, the right job for me is heading my way. I just need to be able to recognise it when it arrives.

Well we are home after a long day travelling and a very busy weekend. Two very tired bunnies, and the thought of going to work tomorrow is making me very flat along with coping with the emotions of watching my partner go back to her home town etc.

Any way the main  reason why we went to Birmingham ( apart from seeing each other) was to attend gay pride

http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/whats-on/music-nightlife-news/six-great-things-happened-birmingham-11402715

The parade it self was amazing, and was really worth the visit, and is much better than Newcastle's March. But after the parade it self, I found that the rest of the pride event was a let down. It cost me £45 to get LC and I in to the event. In my honest opinion it was a waste of time and money. It certainly wasn't family friendly or disabled friendly in the least.very very crowded with very little space to sit down, the women only tent allowed men in it. ( I don't dislike men in the least), but if they say that they are going to create a women only space, then they should follow through on that.  I won't be attending that part of Birmingham Pride again. Newcastle has a much better layout at Exhibition park.

Sunday was a lovely pleasant day, along with being DC's birthday, the weather was beautiful and we spent four hours in http://www.birminghammuseums.org.uk/bmag/whats-on. It was an absolute joy watching LC wandering around, being very inspired by lots of different peices of art, which is making her itching to get started on her arts award at the Baltic.  Inspired throughout the journey home on the train. LC came up with a list of questions to ask artists and she also created her very first mind mapping plan.
In the evening we decided to go out for a meal in a Tapas / Spanish restaurant. DC and I had paella marinara, it was delicious and very filling, accompanied very nicely by two jugs of Sangria. http://www.opentable.co.uk/amantia?ref=4220&sp=ppc_g_UK_Restaurants&reengagement=1&publisher_id=169194&my_campaign=Kenshoo1&ref_id=44737918-9e48-4b11-938b-88e77c9055e0&utm_source=K_UTM_SOURCE&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=K_UTM_TERM&utm_content=K_UTM_CONTENT&utm_campaign=Birmingham_X_Restaurants-BMM%5E211136.

Well I have had a bit of a funny interesting week and not funny haha.
The busyness  of the week started last Saturday on the 21st May with the blessing out service  of Northern lights Mcc  Pastor, who after some deliberation has decided to leave our church and take a sabbatical. Taking six months out to travel  and visit friends and family and then work in swaisiland for 6 month. Trying to discover where her calling is to be next.
Sunday saw LC and I getting up at 3.30 am, packing up the car and going yo Blaydon Rugby club to do a car boot sale. Now over the last few months we have done a fair few boot sales. We much prefer Blaydon by a long chalk, but it never ceases me how many people want something for nothing, but never mind, we did enjoy the banter and managed to self a fair bit of stuff. 50p an item seems to be the way to go! Unfortunately  doing boot sales is never any good for my old arthritis,  which has been very troublesome  of late.
Monday - Thursday consisted of going to work, meeting the new manager and saying goodbye to the old one, I wish L well in her choose path with the reserves. I can't  help thinking  that I won't  be far behind. I have been looking for a change and in something that inspires me, which my current job doesn't, it is detrimental  to my emotional / mental and physical  wellbeing. I have been looking into something call soul Midwives.
http://www.soulmidwives.co.uk/ I was a nurse for 30 years before I took a career  break to home educate  LC, I know that nursing no longer calls to me, having burnt out twice. But on going back in to the workforce  I have been a support woker for adults with learning disabilities and then a deputy manager for a children's out of school club. But recently  I have strongly had the feeling that I am being called to do something  along the lines of the link I posted. I have been looking in to doing voluntary work along these lines to see if it is something  I could do and to gain experience  before doing a course.
Whilst going to work, I have also been very busy washing, ironing and packing for LC and myself  as well as giving the flat a massive clean for my mum visiting and staying at the flat whilst LC and I go to  Birmingham to see my partner DC and visit the Annual Pride event.
http://metro.co.uk/2016/05/28/birmingham-pride-2016-britains-largest-two-day-lgbt-pride-festival-5910970/

Not sure how this is going to work as yet. I am on a journey of discovery. A discovery of myself, a discovery of my relationship with DC and a discovery of my spiritual self and God.

Over the last 8 months I have been attending a course called ' Creating a life that Matters', it is a course run by my church.

The church I have decided to attend since April 2015 is Northern lights MCC, it is situated within the city of Newcastle, Tyne and Wear, England.


http://mccchurch.org/      this is the world wide denomination.

http://www.northernlightsmcc.org.uk/ and this is the link to my church.

I suppose I should start with myself. I am a 52 year old woman.

I am not here to preach or convert anyone, my intention for the blog is to understand myself, my past, what my future may hold for me.

I have been lucky and fortunate enough to have had two wonderful children, BJ who will be 24 in July and LC 15. Both children have been home educated, following the autonomous route. BJ is currently coming to the end of his 3 year Youth and Community course at Sunderland University. LC is just about to sign up to do the Gold Arts Award at the Baltic, Gateshead. Her passion is photography and has quite an artistic flare when photographing things.

These are just a few of LC's photos.

Both the children love music and each have there own bands.Free song download of a demo, have at it! Just click the link and click the download button on the page it opens! https://soundcloud.com/chokieuk/footprints-on-fresh-ground-mastered-demo this is a download of BJ"s band performing an original.

This is LC and band members also singing an original Today we are able to say: 'Happy Birthday, Birdy Birdy!' Yes! It's been a year since we have recorded our original song. If you haven't heard it already, here it is. Get listening and get sharing! :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMjTCroBJmA